The 9 Guys You Meet In College

The Gay-Straight Guy

We all know what I’m talking about. He hasn’t technically come out as gay, or maybe he just doesn’t even realize he’s gay. But everyone else knows it already. He probably has mostly girl friends, or girl roommates, and he’s never tried to hit on you. He might even have a girlfriend, but I can vouch from one of my best high school friends, that a girlfriend implies “straight” but it does not guarantee “straight.” Basically, we’re all just wondering when/if he’s going to come out of the closet.

The Good Time

He’s always down to party. If you’re itching to go out, regardless of what day of the week it may be, you’re going to text him. You’re going to text him because even if there isn’t anything happening, he will have you and all your friends over to get blacked out on any given night. The best part about him, you feel no obligation to hook up with him. Like ever. If you don’t have one of these guys in your life yet, you need to get on it.

The Liability

Not to be confused with “The Good Time.” He can be so fun, and such a homie. However, he often raises the question: How can one person drink so much and not die? He has a liver of steel and will outdrink everyone every time. This does not mean, however, that he can hold his liquor well. If there’s pee in your trash can in the morning, it was probably him. If there’s someone passed out on your front lawn in the morning, it’s probably him. If there’s a hole punched in your wall, it was probably him. And lastly, if you hear sirens, you can bet your favorite mascara that it’s probably him. Long story short: proceed with caution. 

The Creep

We all know this guy all too well. He seems nice and cool, maybe even attractive. The problem, once you’ve gotten a little more than halfway through freshman year, you see his true colors. He loves freshman, but mostly he loves anything that will hook up with him. He offers endless shots and way too many hugs. He has no idea what the friend zone is simply because he purposely tries to get there, then makes his move. Be weary because he has an obscenely high “number” and who knows where he’s been. Do yourself a favor and either steer clear, or at the very least. make sure there’s a condom present.

The Frat Star

He. Loves. Drinking. Not to the point of "The Liability", but pretty damn close. You can find him caveman-ing a beer, shotgunning a beer, or buying a new pair of Sperry's. The library probably won't be the best place to look for him, so you should probably head over to the fraternity house. He loves his frat brothers, he loves his team, but most of all, he loves Natty. 

The Geed

The GDI (God Damn Independent), or as I prefer to call him, the Geed. He is prepster meets hipster. Probably a journalism student. Probably has his own business of some sort. He doesn't get all caught up in the fraternity lifestyle, or so he thinks. The Geed can often times be even frattier than an entire fraternity combined. I don't know how this happens, but it is definitely a recurring theme in the Geed. 

The Ex

He’s at every party you go to. You don’t know why. It’s seriously so annoying. It would be cool if you could just be friends with him, but then he makes some gross rude comment that makes you feel a liiiiiiittle violated. DO NOT HOOKUP WITH HIM. It’s the worst. You aren’t going to get back together if that’s what you're hoping for, and furthermore, if you hooked up with him you will be punished in the morning with bad sex, an awkward goodbye, and one hell of a hangover. 

The Potential Love of Your Life

The rarest of them all. If you managed to pull a Rihanna and find love in a hopeless place, props to you. It’s a hard thing to pull. Speaking of pulls, you probably met this guy taking one from a handle of vodka. So romantic right? Or maybe you got a little too drunk on a party bus and made out with him in front of everyone including his ex-hookup (whatever, she sucks anyway). However you met, you beat the odds and found someone worth hanging out with for a while. As long as he’s nice to you, treats you with respect, and you’re the only girl in his life, stick with it because he sounds like one hell of a catch.

The Teacher’s Pet

You don’t know him personally. Thank God. He’s just in your class. He makes jokes with the professor, kisses their ass, and always sits in the front row... by himself. He’s a total frat star (of a mediocre house), probably wears sunglasses inside, and has an opinion on everything. Even the teacher doesn’t like him. Outside of class, you can find him arguing with your professor about a single point on an exam when he already got an A. We all know him, we all hate him, and he is the only thing that actually made your 8am lab worse than the time you puked in a bush on your way there.